Choosing a reputable Sperm Donor or Co-parenting Website

Perhaps inevitably, the World Wide Web now has a role in that most human of accomplishments; procreation. Sperm donor websites are becoming increasingly popular in the UK with many people now searching for a sperm donor or co-parent online. The demand for this has been partly fuelled by the vagaries of the NHS. Many health authorities are cutting back on IVF treatments because of the expense, trusts already refuse treatments for single and lesbian couples and these factors coupled with the shortage of sperm donors here in the UK seem to be pushing the advantages of the internet over the more traditional clinic route. For those looking to create their own family, are these websites a realistic option? Could they even pose a health threat? Like dating online, isn’t there something potentially seedy or unknown about such an endeavour? Or do these websites provide the transparency, advice and directness of purpose that people who just want to be parents are in need of?

Whatever the risks, these services have swiftly established their legitimacy as a resource, enabling people with limited options to choose for themselves where and from whom that all important genetic material comes from.

We spoke to Pride Angel, a leading online facility, for their views. The issues facing those using such a website include the benefits of using a known donor, anonymity law, working alongside fertility clinics and the importance of using a reputable sperm donor website.

Pride Angel is one of the foremost worldwide connection sites, with over 20,000 members. Though primarily aimed at the gay and lesbian community they are dedicated to providing quality information regarding health screening and fertility law for all. Created and run by Erika and Karen, they aim to equip those who need it with the knowledge and support necessary to negotiate such a potentially delicate undertaking. Both scientists, they are passionate about improving the services available for those looking to become parents. Not just academically qualified, Karen has fostered and personally experienced conception using the sperm of a known donor.

Using a known sperm donor
There has been a social and cultural shift in recent times, towards women wishing to meet a known donor. This could be because of high fertility costs, or perhaps the shortage of donors, whichever, the benefits of knowing who exactly will be credited with creating your own bundle of joy cannot be denied. There has been much research and evidence which has shown that children who know the identity of their donor and the honest circumstances of their conception from an early age are more secure with their identity as they become adults. Another plus is the potential for a prospective mother to meet a like minded individual who is happy to stay in touch, albeit, at a distance, omitting the longing within their child to meet an unknown donor as they grow up.

Anonymity law and future children
The change to the anonymity law in 2005 was certainly a positive turning point for donor conceived children, allowing them to trace the identity of their donor at age 18. However we are still to really discover the effect this will have on the thousands of children who may be wanting to meet their biological father in the future; they may find that the donor is simply not interested in being contacted.  There is also the worry that the donor may not be the kind of person the mother would wish for their child to meet, after all, she may have only received basic details such as height and eye colour by which to choose her donor originally. There is also the very real concern of genetic attraction, something which especially affects parents and children who have never met before adulthood. The repercussions of this could be catastrophic.
When the effects of this law are eventually felt, in the year 2023 and beyond (eighteen years after the law was introduced in 2005) will it be felt that children were better off not having access to this information? Would it not therefore be far better for donor conceived children to have known of their donor from the beginning?

Websites working alongside fertility clinics
Sperm donor websites assist in the much needed recruitment of donors and help bring together co-parents and the creation of alternative families in a way which clinics are less able to do. By working alongside the authorities and regulated clinics, websites can therefore provide a much needed service, providing they are educating their users about any health risks and legal considerations.

A spokesman for the HFEA (Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority) is advising people to only use sperm donor websites which direct their users to a licensed clinic, ensuring that complete health screening is completed and that a record of the donor’s name is kept on file.

Choosing a reputable sperm donor or co-parenting website
When choosing to use a sperm donor website to find a donor or co-parent it is important to ensure that they are providing the necessary health screening and legal advice and directing users to use regulated fertility clinics for treatment.

Erika, co-founder of Pride Angel highlights the advantages of their connection site and the safeguarding in place:

"All profiles are continually screened to ensure users are not offering ‘natural’ insemination or requesting an anonymous donor. Nor is payment for donations allowed to be offered or requested. If any donor attempts to contact more than 10 different recipients, an email is automatically sent, highlighting the ‘no more than 10 live births law within the UK."
She continues, "We are committed to providing a user friendly service, while ensuring that we do everything within our power to make it a safer environment for our members. We also offer email support for users requiring help and further information. Users should never consider using a donor who offers natural insemination, even if they offer artificial insemination as well. The health risks of such promiscuous donors are too great. Unfortunately many other connection services do not monitor profiles and restrict messages in the way that we do at Pride Angel. This means that many of the more prolific donors tend to use other sites which do not monitor them as closely. These factors are really important to consider when choosing a connection service to find a known donor or co-parent."

A bleak thought and a fair warning of the realities and risks inherent in such a situation but Erika is keen to point out that for most, the benefits of  the self determination and choice Pride Angel provides far outstrips the negatives.

"We have had so many people thank us for the service we provide, without which co-parenting arrangements would not happen and many lesbian couples and gay men would not have the chance to experience the joys of parenthood."

For more information regarding finding a co-parent, health screening, home insemination and fertility law visit and register for FREE at www.prideangel.com.

Starting a Family – Our Journey

Mari, Hannah and baby Evelyn

Whether you’re thinking about starting a family or you’ve started one already and are keen to compare notes, hearing about other couple’s journeys can be a comfort in the minority situation that is lesbian parenting. Here’s how we did it.

My partner Mari and I got together at Brighton Pride seven years ago and we’re what you’d describe as a lipstick and chapstick with a mortgage and a cat. Both from large families, we are often surrounded by kids and we’ve always shared an interest in wanting to raise our own children. Mari is two years older than me so it was a natural and mutual decision for her to go first in sprog-popping. I would then follow suit, popping out the next one a few years after. Having considering every possible conception method known to man (IVF, known donor, unknown donor, spermdirect.com, one night stand…I could go on), we decided we’d be most comfortable with IUI at King’s College Hospital London with an anonymous donor. However after multiple visits, tests, a round of artificial insemination and a humorous car journey on the rush-hour congested south circular, with Mari’s legs on the dashboard, it sadly wasn’t meant to be. Thanks to Mari’s younger brother, who is rather educated about all things gay (yes, two in the family), we found out about the London Women’s Clinic, which turned out to be the miracle clinic that helped produce our beautiful daughter Evelyn.

Located on Harley Street, the LWC is a private clinic specialising in assisted reproduction technologies for straight and gay couples as well as singles. If like us, you winced at the H word, naturally assuming you’d be paying through the nose (sculpted or otherwise) for extortionate IVF treatment, hold your horses. After attending one of their aptly named inseminars (yes, you read that correctly), we were enlightened not only on their incredibly high success rate, but also on their egg-sharing programme, a scheme whereby women can donate half of their healthy eggs and in return, receive free IVF treatment. I’d be lying if I said we weren’t initially attracted to the oxymoronic idea of free IVF, given the money we’d already spent on failed treatment at King’s, but at the foot of this was a decision not to be taken lightly. After a few weeks of talks between us and our families and some counselling provided by the clinic, we decided that egg-sharing was the way forward as we’d be giving both ourselves and another women the possible opportunity to become Mums. Since we already felt indebted to the powers that be for the sperm to make it all happen for us, this felt like the right thing to do, giving something back and restoring a harmonious balance in the reproduction process.

Choosing a donor was much like filling in a dating application. You state the specifics of what you’re looking to then be matched with potential suiters. Seemed simple enough on paper, less so in conversation. Aside Mari’s trademark indecisiveness (she takes 15 minutes to choose a sandwich filling), we wanted to give ourselves the best chance of a good donor. Too specific and we could risk having no matches, not specific enough and we could end up with all sorts of weird and wonderful candidates. So there we sat in the consultation room, with a form on a clipboard, deciding among a number of things, height, weight, age, ethnic origin and interests. A few weeks later, we were matched with a canoe loving, Brazilian Research Scientist standing at 6 ft 3. Perfect.

Living in Kent, visits to LWC were not cheap, but with the new high-speed link and the cost-saving on treatment, journeys to and from the clinic were pretty pain free. Treatment started in late spring 2010 and after a number of blood and fertility tests, Mari was given the IVF drugs to stimulate egg production. Within 3-4 weeks Mari had produced 24 eggs ripe for the picking. 12 of these were donated to the other couple we’d been matched to and 12 were used for our own IVF, using the sperm from our selected donor. Within 24 hours, the embryologist telephoned to inform us that 10 eggs had fertilised successfully and that they needed to incubate for another 48 hours to find out if any would be viable for implantation. Early morning on day 3 we were informed we had 2 viable “grade 2 – 7 cell” embryos and were asked to go to the clinic to be implanted. My partner was thrilled but also confused and worried as to why only 2 embryos out of 10 were viable for implantation. We later found out that each fertilised egg needs to develop into 6-8 cells within 36 hours of fertilisation in order for it to be viable or strong enough to survive implantation, and what happened to us was fairly normal. Within hours we were at the clinic and Mari was “implanted” with one little embryo, and sent home to rest for a week. This for Mari entailed watching 3 box sets of Brother’s and Sister’s, 1 box set of L Word, gorging on copious amounts of chocolate and surrounding herself with a plethora of blue and orange coloured scarves (she read somewhere that these colours aid the conception process).

Whether it was the Brazilian super sperm, Mari’s miracle eggs, the indulgent rest period or the blue and orange scarves, the pregnancy test a week later proved positive, concluding a successful first round of IVF. We were thrilled! 9 months later Mari gave birth to a beautiful little girl who we named Evelyn Rose, giving her a double-barrelled surname using both our surnames, just like the Spanish tradition.

As for me, well I have a sneaky couple of amps of Brazilian super sperm tucked away in the freezer waiting to create a half-blood sibling for Evelyn (I realise this sounds like a partially magical Harry Potter character). Let’s just hope my eggs are just as welcoming.

http://www.londonwomensclinic.com/index.php/london/p/what_is_egg_sharing
http://www.kch.nhs.uk/service/a-z/acu

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Blog post by Hannah Revill

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NHS & NICE propose IVF overhaul to give lesbians the right to free fertility treatment

"Same-sex couples and women aged up to 42 may soon be eligible for IVF treatment, according to new draft guidelines published today. The proposals were issued by the National Institute for health and Clinical Excellence (NICE) and featured prominently in the news, although they also include a range of recommendations not covered by the media." According to the NHS website.

"What do the new proposals say?

The updated draft guidelines released today for public consultation include the following key suggested changes:

• extending the upper age limit of women who can receive one cycle of IVF to 42 years old
• increasing the number of embryos implanted into the womb during a cycle of IVF
• excluding oral ovarian stimulation agents that have previously been recommended
• making new groups of the population eligible to receive fertility treatment

The draft proposals suggest making IVF available to a number of identified groups including same-sex couples."

According to Pinknews.co.uk,

"The recommendations, which puts same-sex couples on par with heterosexual couples when it comes to fertility treatment, is issued by the government watchdog for cost-effective treatment in the NHS, National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE).

Then new guidelines also call on health authorities in England and Wales to fund intra-uterine insemination (IUI), which uses donor sperms to help same-sex couples conceive. If IUI should fail for six cycles in a row, then, they should be considered for the more costly, and medically complex IVF, the guidelines will say."

The guidelines are open for consultation and more information including the full proposals and how to respond to the consultation are available on the NICE website. Individuals are not able to respond, however a representative of LGBT people will be collecting views to formally respond.

Equality Act 2010 - what it means for lesbian women

Under the Equality Act 2010 PCT’s would be unable to treat same sex couples any differently to heterosexual couples. It would be unlawful therefore for your local PCT to say a particular treatment was only available for heterosexual couples and not same sex couples or for heterosexual women and not lesbians. The criteria they ask for from same sex couples would need to be the same and they would need to assess you in the same way. If their policy states that a heterosexual couple would be entitled to fertility treatment if the woman has been diagnosed with a fertility issue and are entitled to certain drugs then the same should be applied for same sex couples.

Stonewall are working with PCT’s across the country to help them address the health needs of lesbian and bisexual women. You may also find the following contact of use:

Equality and Human Rights Commission
http://www.equalityhumanrights.com

Infertility Network UK
http://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com

What's your PCT's policy on NHS fertility treatment?

Grant Shapps (yes the guy who is now Local Government Minister) did some research when he was an MP in opposition. Using Freedom of Information, he found out what each PCT's policy is on their criteria for NHS fertility treatment - view the article here http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2009/aug/06/fertility-problems-nhs and this also includes a link to a detailed spreadsheet.