The Miraculous Conception

Well it’s come to that time for us where we are starting to think seriously about having children – we’re not ready to start quite yet, but we are starting to think about the ifs and hows, and are wanting to ensure that we are ready and fully prepared.

Now, for any female-female couple this takes a lot of planning, discussion and decision making given there is a missing ingredient, and many sources of obtaining and using this vital ingredient. There is so much information available online, and so many avenues you could choose to take. How do we choose what is right for us?

However, we were also approaching our GP for advice because of previous gynae conditions that might make it difficult to conceive, in advance of trying to help us make the right decision when the time comes based on what options we might have. One of us is facing a scenario where it might not be possible to conceive or even carry a baby (and not without medical support for sure) but that’s okay – because there is a back up womb, right? But what if this womb isn’t going to work either? We don’t know, because we’ve never tried, and aren’t going to have any unplanned discoveries.  So all we wanted to know from the GP was if womb number 1 isn’t going to work, will womb number 2? Given womb 2 is experiencing problematic periods and currently trialling various medications and tests... are we overreacting in checking or trying to be mature, and sensible?

Apparently, it’s just not that easy. First of all, you have to have tried and failed reproducing before you can get a test to tell you whether you are able to. Not that easy for lesbians is it? Not without spending a shed load of cash on your method of choice in the first place. So, this policy is somewhat implicitly discriminating, yes? Furthermore, the GP states (verbatim) “you would not be eligible (for NHS fertility treatment) as you are not a heterosexual couple”. What she apparently meant by this was the point made previously, you have to have tried and failed before you can even get a test.

So where does this leave us? I asked (womb 2), instead of getting up and leaving as she clearly would have preferred. Apparently we can have a blood test to check some hormone levels and she reluctantly mentioned the possibility of an ultrasound – letting me know that was the most that the surgery would offer, however she didn’t give me any hope or any indication that they would give me these tests. Despite my pushing I left the surgery without a future appointment, without any action plan, and with absolutely no indication that they were even going to consider helping us out.

But what if we do have fertility issues? Can we get NHS support? Or are we  not eligible because we are a female-female couple?

Where do we go to get information? What are our rights? We thought there was a law in place that protected us from discrimination in the delivery of goods and services. Stonewall have written about how we might assert our rights in response to the Equality Act 2010 but there is nothing specific about accessing fertility services here. The NHS’s own health page is a one page superficial description of a couple of the options available, but again no information on how to access the options.

Two years ago, a lesbian couple successfully sued the NHS for refusing to treat them as an infertile couple (Source: BBC News) – but they had to spend money on fertility treatment first – as the doctor told us. So where do we stand and where can we go from here? What about those lesbian couples who don’t have thousands stored in the bank to give to The London Women’s Clinic for private fertility treatment?

So that is the background to this blog. We positively encourage you to contact us with your experiences. We’ll post them, and we also want you to comment on these posts. Share your shock and anger, your dismay, even the fact that you’re not at all surprised – or share your experiences with us if they have been positive. We want to hear from you.

We will continue to look into this, talk to friends, charities, companies, and most importantly, we’ll keep trying to “conceive naturally” (ahem!) in the mean time, and go back to the doctors for advice following what we are fairly confident will be an unsuccessful attempt at an immaculate conception!